So this is possibly going to be my first post here on DeviantArt! I say possibly as I am still unsure at this stage as to whether or not I will actually submit.
As with all things like this, I never quite know where to start! So I will just start and revise later...
Lately I have found myself at a little bit of a crossroads, by this I mean, I am nearing the end of a college level music qualification & I am not quite sure where to go from here; you see I have spent 3 years at this college and for 2 of those years I have not particularly enjoyed my time at the college, this is by no means caused by a personal stuggle to complete work or even a case of bullying, it is strangely due to the fact that "MOST" of the things I have been taught at the college are things I already knew of, I actually taught myself as a teenager most of things they claimed were college level units of work; I am in no way claiming to be "above everyone else" as I can tell you, I am not the only one who feels the same on the course, there are many who feel this way.
I and the others are not sure why we are not learning anything new or why the tutor held a lecture to talk about something we talked about 2 years ago... Basic music theory!
The tutors seem to do this thing, where they hold classes they have already held; we are ALL above board with the coursework & are well on our way to achieving a pleasing grade but despite this, we are not happy!
We have been told that things get harder the higher into education we go, but we are concluding a course that is at such a level, it gives us a qualification that pushes us onto university level courses... we should be happy right??? but I question (I am not sure about the others) whether or not University is going to be worth it??? you see if this course I am concluding in the next month is all I need for University, it makes me question what University can actually offer me.
Of course, University improves my chances of gaining employment in my chosen area of study but I simply question "what will I learn that is new to me?" I mean, I & the others already display much more knowledge in our chosen study than is expected of us at this level, so what happens if I enrol on a £9000 University course just to find it is all "easy"? you see, I don't want an easy course, I want (and I have wanted this since starting college) a course that will throw me off, a course that will give me something to think about, a course that will TEACH ME SOMETHING NEW! Will University give me that? when I find myself only 1 level below & flying through the work??? Not just me either, most of the students on the course also, who have all expressed to me a similar mindset to mine right now.
Currently I am employed at a Coffee Shop while also I am a self-employed musician, two things I have pursued myself with no assistance from college or university; I find myself earning a nice little wage at the Coffee Shop, which keeps me living steady at my Mums house with my 2 younger sisters (I am yet to consider moving out), Don't be fooled; I do actually pay bills, I do not simply earn money and keep it all to myself while my Mum pays everything for me. I am not without responsibility so my question to attend university isn't blindly implying "University doesn't help me gain a better career", what I am implying is that is it really worth £9000 for just a better career? when I could simply work my way up without university, study things in my own time (at least I'll know what not to study and I will actually learn new stuff) & lastly, better myself intellectually, psychologically etc.
You see it is all well and good been miserable, £9000 in debt & stuck learning NOTHING new to build a better financial future in a job I will probably end up hating thanks to the process building up to getting the job, but I am a "live in the moment" type of guy & if I find myself unhappy, unsettled etc. I tend to do whatever is necessary to change that and that is the problem I have been facing........ I don't like to be unhappy BUT I also believed for many years the only way to achieve ANY success is through an educational system that prints a piece of paper off in the end confirming you can do a job; I have always believed I will find happiness in a "dream job" & of course, I have also believed that the only way to achieve a "dream job" is to study at college & university BUT I now wonder with my reputation in Music (My chosen dream job) continuing to grow without the aid of a college or university course I ask, is an educational route, the right route for me???
Right now, I believe not! Things are steadily building without the soul destroying, ironically uneducating, university course.
But what if I am wrong? Only time will tell... but for now, I'm quite content!
If anyone has actually read through this, you are a legend! Honestly, no one needs to read these journals! these are simply here for my personal "let go" moments, where I can just type down what is on my mind & get things off my chest.
Also if there are any grammar/ spelling mistakes in this or any other post/ journal I post... please don't hesitate to rip right into me for it, if I was in your shoes, I would do the same! But do bare in mind, it is now precisely 2am & I am fairly tired haha
My excuse & sticking to it!
In the future, most journals will be created at around this time as you see, I am awkward like that!
Hope you enjoyed reading whatever this is... xx <3